Hello dear! Music here, as requested! Great job on the piece, by the way!
Grammar & Line-by-line Comments:
My hand lay, listless and ignored, in his.<--I'm pretty sure you need that comma.
He dismissed me to my chambers.<--I'd like to see her feelings on this action. Is she ashamed of herself? Angered? We'll be able to understand more about her outlook on life just by adding in a short reaction to her husband's dismissal of her.
Cheers from below told me that there were now two princes [Maybe it's just me, but I don't quite understand who the second prince is.] hunting in the Labyrinth.
The only reply was my voice, echoing through the gloom.<--Great ending. *nods*
Language Usage & Writing Style: Wonderful, Antigone! I really enjoyed reading your piece, but I would prefer if you could fit in a few more [short] elaborations here and there.
![Smile :)](./images/smilies/icon_smile.gif)
Otherwise, I don't really have any issues to mention!
Imagery & Emotion: It didn't seem too rushed for me, but I'd like for you to include more emotions of Pasiphae's, like the example from the Line-by-line section. It will help the reader grasp her personality without going into detail, and you'll be showing instead of telling, too!
![Very Happy :D](./images/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif)
As for imagery, I thought it was nice. Try to explore things outside of sight, though, such as touch, body language, and smell.
Characters: I liked your characters, but I will say that I got side-tracked/confused about Pasiphae's sons. That could possibly be me having an ADD moment or something, and I understood everything after reading the Wikipedia thing and then re-reading your piece, but I got Asterius and Athenian screwed up in my brain, and I didn't understand that Asterius's father was a bull until I read the Wiki thing. Again, this may just be a dumb moment on my part, but make sure everything's clear to the reader! ^^
Plot & Storyline: I liked the story, and I thought you had a very nice take on it! Good work.
Overall, I really enjoyed it! Good luck with that contest!
Questions? PM me.
Love,
Music
Points: 890
Reviews: 152
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